It was a normal day. I walked into the office late, as usual. I was ready to apologize to Mr. Slane, when I saw no one was in the building. So i checked my phone to see if it was a day off, it wasn’t, just a plain old Monday. Checked my watch maybe I was early and they were late but nope, it was 8:00 a.m. I was confused because all the lights were on, and the a.c was on but no one was there! So I went to Starbucks next door to get some breakfast, I usually don’t eat breakfast, so today was a treat. A juicy bacon egg and cheese melt. I then saw someone from the office, but he looked kind of translucent.
I jumped and ran out of the Starbucks melt in hand. I walked in the office again, and everyone was there but kind of faded, as if they were made of steam. I saw Mr. Slane and he turned to me and said “You are very late sonny boy”. I apologized more times in those 10 seconds then I have in my whole life . “ I’m sorry, I’m sorry”!! When I realized he was talking to the guy behind me, I literally looked in the mirror to see if I was invisible. Then when he walked right through me, I was freaked out. The weird thing is that the Starbucks worker saw me just fine. So I ignored it and went to check in with Ms. Cameron, the secretary. “Hello”, I said. She didn’t react at all.
At this point I went insane! I threw my briefcase on the floor and walked back to my house. It was a nice walk, the sun was rising and people with suitcases and briefcases and other cases were walking in the street, holding hands. I got home and said “Hello Jaquisha” to my wife, but nobody was in the house except me. That’s how it’s been since September 28, 2018. When I drove her to the hospital for our little boy. She died in the hospital, and so did he. I haven’t been myself since that day. I lost contact with all my friends, fell in debt to the bank, and fell into a very bad mental state. Speaking of that, I still had to take my pills.
I walked into the bathroom, grabbed a cup of water. I thought of how our son would’ve grown up. He would be very athletic, like his mother, would’ve gotten good grades, like his father and would’ve been really good at persuading people, like both his parents.
Okay, I went a little too far down memory lane. I missed the turn at real world street. Back to the real world, what was I talking about again? Oh, my…. son….. yeah. I leaned on the bathroom counter, and I heard a thump in the basement. I thought it was probably one of my neighbor’s 16 cats (way too many). I ignored it and sat down to play some Madden 19. I was about to get a 78 yard pick six when I heard a gurgling noise at my front door.
I walked slowly to the window to peek outside, when whatever was outside showed some manners and knocked! So I walked at normal speed toward the door, and I opened it to find some kind of demented girl scout with black bean eyes selling fried lizard heads/tails/feet for only $4.00 with a side of grilled fajita french fries. I was weirded out now, so I closed the door and said “No thanks”, walked into the kitchen, and grabbed a butter knife. I waited for 15 seconds (the longest 15 seconds of my life) when I finally heard her walk off. Then I popped the door open and came out with a frying pan to make sure she was gone. I found nothing but a grease stain on my doormat. “Today is so weird”.
Back inside, I think I looked up every day that is considered a bad luck day. Friday the 17th, Tuesday the 11th, Friday the 13th, December 28th. Nothing fit. No Sirie Bob. I was very confused, so I just ordered my favorite food online, fried chicken from Cane’s. So tender and amazing, the fry really compliments the white meat chicken. Then it all changes when you dip it in your favorite sauce - MMMMMMMMMMM, barbecue. Okay chicken admiring time is over, now “let’s get down to business”. That’s from something right? Mulan. Yeah. Actually, this chicken tastes a little different, it’s making me sleepy… .
I woke up very dizzy and nauseous, like when I feel car sick. Then I felt myself bump, and I looked around, and I was tied up in the back of some kind of army truck. I felt like my pills were wearing off, because I had a mad headache. “You’re up!” the driver said. “Where am I?” I said slurring a little bit. “You’re on your way to your execution” he said, and he turned. He had the same black bean eyes that the girl scout had.
I tried to squeeze out of the rope that was like an anaconda squeezing around me. This guy must’ve been a boy scout because he knew how to tie a knot! I finally struggled out of it and looked through the back door window and saw nothing but road and desert. My only choice was to knock out the driver and take the car. This is where my pills wearing off comes in handy, because I get pretty violent when they wear off. So I let my mind free and I became a new person, a shirtless kill-hungry person. I grabbed two bars of the grate separating us and pulled them apart with my bare hands. I stuck my hand through, grabbed his shoulder, and yanked the driver’s head and shoved it into the steering wheel. He was out cold. But there is a bad part about not taking my pills - I can’t switch off the beast until I take my pills again. So with my animal self still switched on I followed the GPS that was on to find out where he was taking me to (this wasn’t the real me by the way) kill everyone. It’s like I was a lvl. 1 crook and now I’m a lvl. 30 boss. It’s not how mafia works, okay?
So I drove to the base singing “Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down, and cruuuuuuuuuise” . I just strolled on in there like I owned the place. Nothing to see here, just a lunatic with his shirt ripped off. Okay, so I’ll spare you the details, I’m just going to bleep everything out I don’t want to get reported to the bully hunters - *censored and then I censored censored another guy came and censored censored censored censored censored yeah so then I censored censored censored*. It went down like that. I made it out alive, or should I say unscathed.#Yeet. Yup, that’s how evil I am when I forget my pills.
I saved the head of the army base for last so I could ask him some questions. This was only the first, the process of violence caused by me. It gets a LOT worse. I went up to the boss, eh had his head down and said “Why was I being brought here?” and he said “You were being brought here for your execution.” “No durr sherlock, I know that already.” I countered. “WHY WAS I BEING EXECUTED!” I screamed in his ear. He explained that I’ve being transported here to be either executed or put into an asylum. I asked him why. He said that I was one of the most wanted criminals in US! I was kind of proud of this, but mostly I was confused because I don’t remember committing any crimes.
Other than blowing up that gas station, punching someone at a bar, 3 attempts to steal from Walmart, two cases of murder, three times I was accused of trying to kidnap a kid at a public pool even though I didn’t, and taking a Burger King Whopper Meal into McDonald’s. Other than that, I’ve been a good boy. He said, “ The government’s been hunting you for months!”. “ They haven’t been able to find your address”. That was all the information I needed, how they were tracking me. So I just put a gag in his mouth and left ( it was a ball of some of the guards’ socks, ew ).
On the long drive back, I couldn’t find a good station. I just ended up listening to my playlist from spotify, which was just SICKO MO bamba on repeat. I had to find out where I would stay. Now, I have many options, I could stay at my house, eh, too dangerous. I could stay with my parents, but if the military just “FBI OPEN UP” the door when my mom is giving me milk and cookies, no no no, I don’t want that! Or I could stay with my mom’s uncle’s grandson’s brother’s best friend’s basketball teammate’s teacher’s favorite student’s half-brother’s aunt twice removed. She’s my realtor, Karen. They’d never find me, right?
So I went over to her house in a military Cadillac with a police screen, bullet-proof windows and a grate with a big hole from where I grabbed the driver. So I rolled up on tha’ block, I shoul- I- I regret saying that I’m sorry, I pulled into the driveway and walked to the front door, car door still open. I rang the rusty doorbell, it was and old house, you can tell because the wood was springing out. It took awhile for her to get to the door, so I thought I would admire the giant front yard. There was a giant black spruce tree that literally looked like it was stabbing the clouds. The grass was trimmed perfectly like an english soccer field. There was a ceramic lizard on a redwood bench by the door. She finally got to the door and opened it with a confused smile. “Hello, oh, Connor?”she asked. “Look, I’ll explain”, I replied. We sat a round table which was way too big for a family of four. She offered me some coffee, but I declined. So I told her everything in the most civil way I could while still being on the beast setting. “ You can stay for 2 days, my parents are coming on Wednesday” she said. “Thank you so much”. I thanked her like 5 times.” I’m gonna run over to my house to get my medicine” I said.
I walk out the door to NOT find my car . Someone stole it, I felt infuriated inside. So, I kept my word to Karen and literally ran to my house. The house is like 4 miles away, so I should use my energy efficiently. I made it to the street and immediately stopped. I saw a whole SWAT team lined up on the block. I didn’t need my pills that badly, right? I went to walk away as casually and fast as I could. “SWAT, stay where you are with your hands on your back!” I heard a woman say. I turned and I saw they were advancing on me, very fast. So I started advancing, the other way, as fast as I could. They start shooting, I was already tired from running at a constant speed of 8mph. You know, I don’t play Fortnite, so when I hid behind a buschhhhhhhhhh, sorry, I thought I made it up. They run right past me, I wait a good five seconds and I got up. I walked the other way until I felt a metal stick whack me upside the head, and then it was black. “..And then I ended up here” I told the asylum guard. He rolled his eyes and left the room. “ I SWEAR THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED, COME BACK HERE” I yelled at the guard with all the gas in my vocal cords.
He didn’t notice me. No one even remembered me after I got arrested. The warden told me to think about the problems I caused. I did think, not of that, but of how the world shouldn’t check me or anyone, it should the people hurting it, not its fauna. I am not using that as a reason for you to bail me out. I am staying for the rest of my days. The very few more days I will be able to survive with myself.