Vwoooooom! Baz Eidel was being sucked up a tube at excruciating speeds. Baz was thrown off by the wind into a huge room with a man standing on his desk.
“I’m Dan cupid the world renowned love expert. Now why have you come here.”
“I want,” Baz stammered “ I want, girls.”
“What did you say?! I can't hear you!” Dan Cupid yelled. He jumped off his desk.
“I want to get girls!” Baz yelled
“That’s the spirit laddie,” He said in a Scottish accent
“I will do anything for a gal. You don’t even know bro,” Noted Baz.
“Is that so matey,” He pulled out a remote and pressed a button “Test your luck on her,” smirked Dan Cupid. A woman walked into his office. Baz’s jaw dropped to the ground his eyes drooped while his sweating four head turned into a sweating five head.
“Ummmmm. You’re pretty,” he said. The woman chuckled at him. “Wait no. I’ve got a good one! Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
“Ummmmmmmm. I broke three vertebrae and an arm ,” the woman said. “My names Margaret,”
“My names Baz,” He said. “Sooo, do we kiss now?” He asked leaning in for a sweet romantic touch on the lips.
“Augh, you disgusting little good for nothing garden gnome,” Scoffed the woman as she ran away.
“That was just trial and error. Also that was a robot,” Dan Cupid slicked his hair back and said “Now let me show you how a pro does it,” He walked over to the group of Robo-girls that were standing next to his bookshelf. He turned the knob on the back of them from easy to X-Games extreme as he said to the girls “Hey ladies, am I in a library, because I’m checkin’ y’all out.”
“Is that gnomeo from Sherlock gnomes!?” Yelled one of the robo-girls
“Man if I was as ugly as him I’d sue my parents.” Stated another
“Well you’re so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet.” Dan fought back
“If ugly was a crime you’d get the death sentence.”
“There's no vaccine for stupidity.”
“Some baby’s get dropped on their heads, clearly you were thrown at a wall.”
“Roses are red violets are blue god made me pretty what happened to you!” Dan Cupid shouted. He grabbed his remote and smacked a red button.
“Powering off.” Said each robot in sync. Baz watched in disbelief. Dan slicked his hair back, whipped his sunglasses on and chuckled.
“That got out of hand,” Baz said.
“Women, am I right. Hehehe.”
“No! I want Girlfriend,” Complained Baz.
Just then Dan came up with the greatest idea,
“... A romantic dinner!!”
He clapped twice, the lights went out and the room was transformed to a 5 star restaurant reviewed by Yelp
Then two candles lit up and revealed a table with five entrees and 3 other courses.
On the other side of the table a female cyborg was sat.
“Can I follow you home because my parents told me to follow my dreams,” Baz flirted. The female cyborg blushed. “Is your name Google? Because you’re everything I’ve been searching for.” “Actually my name is Google Human,” the android said.
“I’ve seemed to lost my phone number can I have yours,” Baz flirted more.
“Sure. The number to the Googleplex is (650)-253-0000)” Google Human said exchanging phone numbers. The android smiled.
“ Did the sun come out or was that you’re smile?” asked Baz. They ate food for another hour talking, joking, but most importantly flirting. They leaned in for sweet embrace of a warm kiss until he said “Margret you’re so romantic.”
“Wait, that was the girl Dan Cupid set you up with last time!” Yelled Google Human.
“Woah she didn’t mean that much to me sweetie.”
“That much!” Screamed Google Human “You no good stupid salami sandwich.” She hit him with a bag several times until he fell unconscious.
Baz’s eyes started to peel open to see Dan Cupid finishing up with another client.
“Oh good you’re awake.” Dan cupid said. “ That was close, you almost got to her.”
“ I know I am a failed man but please give me one last chance, please”, Baz pleaded.
“ My chances to get a girl are ZERO without you.”
“ I’m sorry Baz but my phone battery last longer then your relationships and I have a iphone 4.”
“Please Im nothing without you! I’ve tried so many times for years. But time after time i’ve been rejected. But at least I tried and i’m tired of being rejected,” Dan cupid sighed, their eyes met each other.
“Okay kid, I’ll give you one more chance.” He sighed again “You are an english bulldog. You are the roughest toughest buffest man I know. You are Mad! Dog! Dewayne!” Yelled Dan cupid. “Now repeat it.”
“I am Mad! Dog! Dewayne!” Repeated Baz now Mad dog dewayne. A woman walked in
“Try your luck Mad Dog,” Instruced Dan.
“Yo girl do you have bandaid because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”
“That's what every pathetic guy says,” The woman said
“Are you from Tennessee. Because you’re the only ten I see,” She rolled her eyes.
“My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in,” Mad Dog dewayne flirted
“Oh. Actually that's pretty hot.”
“You know what else is hot, my shirt, because it's filled with Boyfriend material,” She giggled, it was working! “ Dang girl I must be Kobe cause I can’t pass you up.”
“Who’s Kobe?” The woman asked
“Is your name Wifi because I think we have a connection.”
“Actually it’s Jaquesha.” Jaquesha said.
“If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.” Said Mad Dog Dewayne
Then she did the unbelievable. She kissed him. “Huh? I thought I’d feel something. Well it's probably because your a robot.” Mad Dog said.
“Bro you should have checked her out because that's a real woman. Now before you wickity wreck yourself you better wickity check yourself.” Dan cupid rapped.
“I did wickity check myself and I think I’m gay!.”
(not making fun)